Hope
I continue to be humbled by the amount of encouragement and support all of you have shown me. These past couple of weeks have been tough. Really tough. David’s service was beautiful. I loved hearing how much David impacted others and that others saw in him the same things I did. He was such an incredible man. There’s so many things that I miss about him. Some are things that I have gone mere weeks without, other things have been missing for months, due to his cancer. I knew quite awhile ago that even if he was miraculously healed, some things just wouldn’t be the same. So it feels like I have been mourning in some way or another for months. It has just intensified a lot over the last couple weeks.
For those who were not able to attend David’s service, I am posting the link again so you can watch it, if you’d like. There is also a virtual guest book that I would love any of you to go and sign. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to be able to read funny stories of David or how he touched your lives in one way or another. The kids love hearing them too, so please keep them coming. I have many thoughts running through my head right now. Despite knowing David’s prognosis, these past couple of weeks without him have seemed unreal. I will reach for my phone to text David about something funny, or think to myself, “I can’t wait to tell David about that later.” His smile, his laugh, the love that he constantly showed for us… it’s all missing and it just doesn’t seem right.
We were blessed with extra time with David. The past 7 months were tough, but they were also filled with so many memories, laughter and SO much love. None of it seems like enough. I would never be satisfied with the amount of time that I was given. As thankful as I am, and as incredibly blessed as I am to have all that time, I still long for more. The amount of pain and aching that I’m feeling is none like I could ever imagine.
Having said all that, which still doesn’t appropriately portray the depth of my emotions, I have to say that all this mourning is not as one would imagine. Am I hurting? Yes. Do I wish for things to be different? Yes. Am I exhausted? YES. However, I have HOPE. I’m sure there are some of you who are reading this who do not understand where I’m coming from, and I have something laid on my heart that needs to be voiced.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-143 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.
I am learning, first hand what it is like to grieve WITH hope.
My grieving, my mourning is deep.. I’m sure no one doubts that, but it only goes so far. I do not have to mourn without hope. I know where David is. I know that my amazing God created a plan in which David gets to be with our savior. My grief is only the fact that I am unable to be with him now. My grief is seeing my kids aching to see their Daddy, wanting to play with him again and goof around with him once again. But even their grief stops there. We are all comforted with the fact that this was not the end for David. As much as all this hurts our hearts to be separated from him, we still have our faith and our ultimate comfort and hope in what God has promised us.
So as much as I am pained by our own loss, I can’t help but think of the families that are going through similar losses, but without that hope and comfort. How much more pain they must be in! I’ve said this time and again: I can’t imagine going through all this without our faith. For those of you who don’t believe, I’m sure you could be thinking that it’s foolish to believe in such promises. But really, what am I losing out on by believing? I have peace, despite the pain. I have hope, despite the mourning. I have faith, despite the difficult circumstances. I am holding on to the words of a hymn, “Because He lives, I can face tomorrow”. Tomorrow isn’t going to be easy. There’s still going to be sorrow and pain, but Because HE lives, I can face it. I can face it with hope and peace.
If I didn’t have faith, there would be no comfort in my mourning. I have everything to GAIN, through no doing of my own. God planned it all and chose me to have this faith and words cannot tell you how grateful I am for that.
My prayer for YOU today is that you may be able to find that same faith, comfort and hope… Not in anything of this world, because everything in this world WILL fail you. But GOD… He never will. That hole in your heart, that you are trying to fill with relationships, money, health… Those things will not fill that hole, because no matter what it is, it is imperfect. God is perfect and will fill that hole, so that even in these difficult times that we have to walk through, you will still feel complete and at peace.
I love you all. I can’t thank you enough for being a support to me and my family right now. Your prayers, encouragement, gifts.. all of it comes at the perfect moment to help me during the difficult times. THANK YOU.
I’m not going to apologize for getting a little “preachy” tonight. I have something that I know can help others. Others that are in pain and feeling lonely and incomplete. I have my faith and it brings so much comfort, peace and hope to me, that I can’t help but share it. I pray that each and everyone of you find comfort and peace and wholeness in the only one that can provide it. I love you all.
https://live.eventlive.pro/markandress/david-cesolini-celebration-of-life