I Am Loved

As I’m sitting here, trying to process all these emotions that come along with the grief process, one thing has really been pressing on me. Love. I was so loved by David. I don’t doubt his love for me, even for a second. Not everyone gets to experience this kind of love in their lifetime. To truly, 100% feel loved by someone. I could be in the most grumpy, bad mood and he would still pull me in for a hug and tell me how much he loved me. I could be doubting myself in everything I did, and he would encourage me by reminding me again how much he loved me. I would be complaining about my looks and he would take any negative thoughts away by assuring me of his love for me. Even though David has been gone for a month and a half, I still feel that love. It’s not that I wouldn’t make him upset, or he would disagree with me… it’s just that even in those moments, he would love me enough for me to feel comfortable and to be honest in my opinions and feelings. David’s presence was the most safest place I could be, because he loved me.

But I felt like that was gone now….

Today I was grieving that. To be so deeply loved by someone and then to have that person pass away is damaging on so many levels. My security feels like it’s gone. My confidence has lessened. My joy is harder to find. So much of that was found in David, so with him being gone, it makes everything harder.

I was so blessed to have some alone time today. I am so grateful for that, because it was during this time, that I was really able to pray and get some reassurances from God.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

David did exactly what was asked of him by our God. He loved me so deeply and today I realized fully what that really meant.

David’s love for me was the taste of what Christ’s love is for me. David gave me this amazing sample of what it’s like to be loved by our Heavenly Father. So as much as I am aching because of the loss of my husband and the love he had for me, that love is not gone from me. It was never meant to be the only deep love that I experience. God’s love for me is so much deeper, and so much more fulfilling. Is it harder to see? At times, yes. It’s a lot easier to try to rely on the relationships in our lives to give us that love and fulfillment. But they will always fall short. Everything that I often think was found in David, is really meant to be found in God. God’s love for us never fails us.

1 Chronicles 16:34

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!

Here’s the real hope and joy for all of you: That love, that David set such a wonderful example of, is available to you. It’s not exclusive to me.

Romans 8: 38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor future, nor any powers, neither height or depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God loves us, so much more than we can even imagine, and nothing, not even death will separate us from that. I pray that you, dear friend, can feel the comfort, security and joy in God’s love. It is a freeing love and one that is the most fulfilling that you will ever find.

I know that I am still going to miss David’s love for me. However, I am so grateful that the love I felt from David is not gone forever, but that it’s made fuller, deeper and 100% perfect in Christ. I pray that all of you can experience that too.

I love you all.