The New Fight

David is home. However, not under the circumstances that we would have wished for him. Sunday afternoon, he stopped eating. He was no longer responding to questions and he went from needing some help to sit, stand, etc, to needing total help to even move his head. Monday morning, therapy video called me so I could see how David was. They put the phone close to his face, and he wasn’t even able to look at the phone to see my face.

David is a fighter. We’ve had a lot of conversations in past months about what this period of time would look like. David was very clear that he wanted to fight this cancer as long as possible. He also made it VERY clear, that if he was nearing the end, there was NO WAY he wanted to spend his time in a hospital. Instead of fighting the cancer, he wanted to adjust his target to fighting to have time at home with his family. So yesterday I made the decision to bring David home under hospice care.

After the therapy appointment, his doctor called me to see what I wanted to do. She explained that between the previous seizure and the disease that is progressing in his brain, she doesn’t believe he will be improving past the point he is currently at. I told her that I wanted to get him home and she responded, “I 100% agree with that decision. He needs to be at home with his family.”

So David is home and settled in. The kids have been able to love on him and even though he doesn’t show any response, I am sure that there is comfort to him being at home, amidst all the chaos and noise. The kids have climbed on his bed to cuddle, gently rubbed his arm, hugged him and told him over and over that they love him. This is what David wanted to fight for in the end. He wanted to fight for time with his family. His body is shutting down and is no longer able to fight, but at least he is winning the time with us right now.

We continue to lean on God for all our strength and for wisdom while making decisions on David’s care. Many times I have been told that I have been so strong through this. None of the strength comes from me. Every day I wake up and I cry out to God, “I can’t do this any more. I don’t want to walk this path. I want everything back to normal.” However, the day goes on. God provides the strength I need and blesses me with moments of joy with our kids and with David. Even today, I feel so blessed because I was able to be with, and hold David all night long. I pray that I have many more nights to do the same, but I also know that if that is not in God’s perfect plan for my life, that I will have the strength to walk the path that is laid before me. As much as I don’t like the idea of that future, I have no doubt that God will be there with me, guiding me, providing comfort and strength. This whole situation stinks, but GOD IS GOOD. There WILL be good that comes from all this, of that I am positive.

Thank you for your continued prayers and love right now. This is an impossible situation, but your encouragement continues to mean so much.

Prayer requests:
-For complete healing of David’s body
-For us to be able to enjoy being with David for as long as possible
-For peace as we walk this difficult path
-For our kids… so many prayer requests for our kids. God knows their needs.
-For comfort for David